enneagram type 7: vantage/refuge/stress

every enneagram type has a direction they move when they’re under stress (toward the qualities of another type), and a direction they move when they’re integrated/growing.


type 7 vantage point: type 5
when I consciously move toward the 5 energy, it gives me the ability to stick with my work and dive deeper than surface level. it can help calm the chatter of my mind and allows me real focus/concentration. this is also where I feel more comfortable than usual being alone.

unconsciously, though, the habitual (not-on-purpose) move to 5 energy can cause me to be out of touch with my own feelings, and can add a know-it-all vibe to my interactions with others (not great, ugh).

type 5 refuge point: type 1
when I consciously move toward my refuge point – 1 – it allows me to develop more structure and much-needed discipline. I can become more detail-oriented and focused on completing a task.

but if I move to 1 energy unconsciously, I may become critical of myself and others, may obsess over minutiae, or become easily irritated – qualities of the lower vibration of 1.

under stress, 7s borrow from 1s – showing  behaviors like perfectionism, criticism, being overly rigid (which can devolve into nitpicking or harsh sarcasm) – when any of these happen, it’s my self-care wake up call!

then, it’s time to be gentle with myself. listen to my needs. engage in self-care that will sustain and heal me physically and mentally. I need to include time spent to process through the stress that got me there – asking “where is this stress coming from? how can I get out from under it?”



enneagram: why I do it.

enneagram: a tool for personal and spiritual growth.  it meets you where you are, and can help make you a healthier person, with healthier relationships.  its teachings can support you on your faith journey, and you can use it as a map to new levels of consciousness.

Pat O Enneagram frontO3

it creates so. much. space.

my goals when working with enneagram – I can create more/better:
mental health
aliveness & zest for life
expression & contribution of my gifts & strengths
meaningful connections & relationships

all of these things – always – begin with mindfulness & self-awareness. we can’t make changes without knowing what we’re working with. you can’t know how to best care for, say, a plant, unless you know what kind of plant it is & what it needs.  with the help of enneagram, we ask: what kind of “plant” am I?  what do I need most in order to grow & thrive?

enneagram is way more about motivations, fears, and desires than it is about behaviors. we get off track in our understanding when we simply attach behaviors to the types (e.g. 2s are nice, 8s are intense, 4s are moody, etc.)  Instead, allow the system to become a map that doesn’t merely validate our behavior, but leads us to a place of clarity regarding the inner workings of our soul.

note: our path of integration doesn’t begin with us reaching toward our growth numbers. it starts with doing the work where we are – in our dominant numbers.  as we gain more freedom from the fears and unhelpful patterns of our own type, then we can start enjoying the ability to express ourselves in the manner of our growth type.

more to come.



it’s been a while since I spent time here.

a lot has happened since I last wrote.

my marriage imploded when my ex had an ugly affair.
we got separated, and then divorced.
there was a year of intense self-discovery, a deep dive into all the things I didn’t want to feel (but ultimately needed to), and then the slow crawl back into the world of the living.

I learned first hand just how much time and space you have to give yourself to heal, or to be able to face the darkness – both within and without.

and then, the sun crept back in. I saw myself differently. I shed false relationships. I made some new friends, and learned that some of the old ones loved me deeply, despite the ugly that passed through my life. I met a man who was up for the challenge of loving me, and he set about the task of showing me I could rely on a human being to care for my heart again.

I spent another year opening, slowly, inch by inch, to all the NEW in my life. it felt strange. I’d always been the type of toss caution aside and experience new things immediately, but after such a wound, I had to go slowly. I had to spend time with myself, to feel sure.

things began to feel slightly back on track, but I still had some heaviness about me at times…what felt like remnants of the old clinging to me, energetically.

right before christmas 2018, I lost my job – the place I’d been for over a decade and planned to stay long-term. it was disappointing; I felt betrayed and shocked. it hurt to realize people that I trusted were simply not worthy of that trust, or my respect. it hurt.

but, in essence, it wiped the slate clean. I was no longer in the same job or the old marriage. my lover decided to make his home with me, and it prompted an ongoing physical clean-out of so much old clutter.

so, here I am now.

cleaning out all the old, making space for the new.
interviewing for jobs.
asking myself what brings me joy and fills me with a sense of purpose…how do I want to spend my days?
reorganizing life, from boxes under the bed all the way up to my career goals.
figuring out my place in the universe…or at least, simply trying to be worthy of it.

and I KNOW I am changing.
a few years ago, I would have tackled all of this change head-on and wanted to see a new plan and decisions NOW.

but now, I’m realizing that deeply rooted, beautiful, soul-grounded change doesn’t happen overnight.
it involves sitting with questions.
with allowing inspiration to flow freely when I might not expect it.
with the peace of realizing that if I open my heart and mind and move with purpose, things around me will unfold just as nature would have it.

so my word for 2019 is “bloom” –
I want to soak in what I need, take the time to let it transform me…
and flourish.

I am taking my time, and allowing creative tension. letting what is beautiful grow and evolve and mature without force.  this is new to me. but at the end of this year, I want to know it was worth every calm, allowing moment.

what’s your word for 2019, and why?


how things go together.

so, a lovely lady asked me today:

“do you believe it’s not just the astrological aspects that determine your personality, but also your environment/what you grew up in?  that is, nature AND nurture being determinants of who you are?”

first of all.
what a badass question.
she’s a gemini and it rocks.

second — YES.

that led me into thinking about this.  some people wonder why I use so many forms of spiritual connection.  astrology, enneagram, oils, stones, tarot/oracle cards, journaling, prayer, chanting, nature, body stuff….the list goes on.

and here’s why.
everything is energy.
everything is vibration.

right?  right.

when you were born, there was a specific astrological pattern.  those produce tendencies and leanings in people.   so you already have certain possibilities or aspects as you’re born.

then, life happens.  we learn and live and love and grow and fuck up and throw up and do ALL THE THINGS.

and these things shape us as well.

so, our patterns, tendencies, and personalities become a meshed whole of our astrological influences, our experiences and relationships, our reactions, our cultures.

that’s why we all have such different, complex, amazing personalities and inner landscapes.

that’s where soul work comes in for me.

soul work – really looking at my personality and habits and emotions and everything else – it shows me the truth (if I will allow that) of what I was/am/have become and – importantly – possibly CAN BE.

so I do the searching.  my body, my intuition, the cards, the stars, my ancestry, my enneagram type….they all help me connect to myself, understand and search myself more.  sometimes they show me my strengths.  sometimes they show me my shit.  and both are necessary and need to be shown.

and then they also help me see what I can be, and allow me the freedom to decide who I want to be.

so, then the other things come in.  nature, stones, colors, candles, incense, trees, plants, flowers, oils, massage, sound healing, chanting, meditation, energy work, fitness, dancing, loving intentionally, praying, writing….they all change my vibration in subtle or strong ways.  with intention.  I allow them to bring shifts in me, around me.

does this make sense?

the synthesis of ALL the things I love and do…it comes down to learning, knowing, realizing, growing….and then shifting myself to be the best, truest, most connected and sacred version of the self I came into this world to be.  purposefully and with love.

and sparkles. I like sparkles.

and YOUR path could include any of these things, none of them, or some totally new-to-me things!  and that’s awesome.

that is all.

much love.



be kind & careful…full moon in Capricorn – sunday, July 9th

synopsis this full moon:
do kind things (please, seriously.)
be aware of intense emotions
channel said intense emotions into good things
realize that YOU ARE GOOD and be sweet to yourself (stop with the harsh self-talk) & ignore the SHOULDs – they don’t exist.
focus on cooperation, not power struggles.


more detail…

well, the postings about this full moon have been a little frightening – some saying relationship energy can be out of control in a bad way.  so….take it easy, folks.

why’s it so powerful?  (among other things) the full moon is 1 degree away from pluto, the planet of power & intensity that transforms through destruction & renewal.  emotions are not only high, they can be consuming.  these feelings are brought to the surface with the full moon & can cause feelings of overwhelm.  take care not to react strongly to these intense feelings…wait until the rational mind is quieter/calmer and has input.  note: meditate to help calm these waves of emotion, it helps!

if crisis or change comes up now, remember the goal is to transform for the better! to evolve your soul. renovate the self. channel those negative or aggressive emotions into something good….physical and creative pursuits are a good fit here.


“If, at this Full Moon, you notice your self in an unkind self-response, you might ask, How can I say this in another way? How can I feel and respond to this moment differently? The exact moment you’re hurting, the moment you feel afraid or edgy, is the right time for kindness.

You can also try out my loving-kindness pose. Sit with your feet on the ground, back straight, knees bent and your hands wrapped around the front of your shins just under your knees, with your eye gaze relaxed and looking forward. Spend a few minutes in this pose… and receive your good, kind-hearted self.”

“The question posed by a Capricorn Full Moon is, how well are you succeeding—not just with taking care of business, but taking care of your heart?

This particular Capricorn Full Moon is in a tight conjunction with Pluto, with both opposed the Sun and Mars in Cancer. During the few weeks each year when Mars opposes Pluto, it is nearly impossible to get our way by employing physical might or sheer willpower. This aspect reminds us that only so much is within our control, however hard we work to change certain things or prevent others from happening.

Throw in the Full Moon and Sun connecting with this aspect, and most of us feel that we’re under a great deal of stress in some area of our lives. It might be problems with family, health, finances, employment – but everyone can probably point to some situation that feels out of their control and where they are receiving very little help.

These are tough times and tough planetary transits, and sometimes that makes us mean-spirited, impatient, and disdainful of weakness. But not always. Recently, I accompanied an elderly, ailing friend on an afternoon of errands. Everywhere we went, people went out of their way to be helpful to us by holding doors, giving up their place in line, or other small kindnesses.

Those who know me are used to hearing me declare (usually after an hour spent in traffic) that people are no damn good. But I’ve always suspected that if I were to keel over on the street, a half dozen people would immediately run over to see if I needed help. That’s just what happened recently when a light plane crashed on a Southern California freeway, and an onlooker rushed toward the flames to pull the passengers to safety.

It’s safe to assume that just about everyone you meet is carrying a heavier burden than they feel they can bear. We are tough with each other these days, because the world is tough, and so many of us are nobody’s children, with no soft place to turn to when we have failed or fallen. But we are still capable of astonishing kindness as well. We’re all trying to survive, and we’re scared we won’t, and that makes us hard. But we haven’t yet completely left behind the urge to break each other’s fall—and that makes us human.”


“This is a good moon to anchor something you have taken action towards especially something that relates to physical activity and the movement of your body. If you have been a slug lately, this would be the day to be more active and to make a commitment to using your body in a more active way. This is also an important moon to focus on your personal environment and take action or reset what you need to in order to provide more nurturing for yourself based on the emotional truth about what you need. Spend time with others but be firm with your boundaries. Work with the Sun as an ally and be inspired by some risk you have taken. When you take a risk you give up your comfort zone and there may be fear involved. Remember you have Mars on your side so use that energy well or it will use you. As childhood fears of inadequacy surface, push them gently aside with compassion and remind yourself the you are no longer that child and that you deserve to have everything you need to move forward in your life.”




I am 34 years old.  and I am still actively learning about friendship.

I am totally going to paraphrase and oversimplify this with no specifics/details, but this was an exchange that happened today.

me: here’s a note/image about your enneagram type to help you be a better you

friend: hmm, that is helpful, thank you

(we discuss how to apply it)

me: here’s the same thing, but for my type.  it frustrates me because it’s hard.

friend: (proceeds to quickly draw/doodle a visual explanation for me of how it happens with me and how to do it better)  here you go, this should help

me: I am still kinda stuck

friend: (proceeds to spend a full hour drawing a mini-book to help me understand and process this) how about now?

me: HOLY SHIT THIS IS AMAZING and I can’t believe you illustrated all this for me.  and it should be shared.  and yes, it does help!
*has idea*
you are very good at explaining things this way.  perhaps I should buy you a sketchbook/journal for MY DOODLES only for stuff we talk about/experience so I can keep it forever.

friend: I am totally down with that!

me: that’s a lot of work. I should pay you.

friend: I mean, I’m a damn artist, I’d accept that.  you could also pay me in kind, with your gifts and skills and passions. help me where I have needs.  “WHICH I THINK IS WHAT FRIENDSHIP IS. I DUNNO.”

*light bulbs come on*

me: holy crap you’re right. we’re giving from our own selves/passions/gifts/skills, and receiving something we both need in the process of being better selves.  I THINK WE JUST CRACKED THE CODE OF FRIENDSHIP.

friend: tells me stuff she could use help with in life

me: dude, I totally got you.  I got skillz.  and I’ll use ’em.  I proceed to tell her stuff I need help with

friend: yes. this is good stuff. I can help.  except this one thing you mentioned that I am truthfully not very good at.

me: glad you’re honest.  wanna have spaghetti friday?

friend: yes.


we then proceeded to figure out my spirit animal and failed.
oh, well.  win some.

thinking about it, this entire exchange was weirdly profound because…

(a) how often do we just tell someone what we need, and ask for help, -and-
(b) how often do they willingly and in a non-bragging way, say “I know I have ______ strengths that could help and I totally will offer them.” -and-
(c) (because this is still important) can we tell people lovingly what we’re not good at?  not try to be everything for everyone?


turning this over in my mind/heart/gut today.  ♥️🙏🏻🤔
p.s. I might have to made edits to this post because she will read it and find all the inaccuracies, cause it’s what she does.  and THAT IS OK.

love life status.

I am writing this mainly for myself so I can keep looking back & being reminded. but also, some of my tribe members can support me in this, I am sure.

at this time in my life…

I am learning to take a softer stance, surrender, have an open heart.  To let others take the lead, and see what happens when I don’t control things.  Gives others a chance to step up.  I know I may feel anxious about commitments & need to NOT push too hard.

In general, this is relationship slowdown time for me…taking steps back, repairing rifts, making sure my heart is really in things.

but this slowdown & review is allowing me to break down intimacy barriers – to process trust issues, old hurts, fears.  I am learning how to not project the past onto the future.

I know I can speak up, and that the risks I take with my heart will be rewarded.  it’s a time my love life can be rebuilt, reborn.


right now via Goddess Oracle card reading

so, it’s been a hard 6 months.  it’s still hard.  but I am trying to move back into what feeds my soul.

and I felt like writing this out, probably to process it for myself better.  gemini and all….

in our most recent new moon circle, I pulled two oracle cards….these two.


our circle theme was intuition, and during this Cancer cycle, it’s all about connecting to our emotions, letting the internal waters flow, listening to that womb wisdom.

and when I tap into that….I hear from Amaterasu:
“look in this mirror.  you are beautiful, and changing, and growing more beautiful.  and it’s time to feel this more.”  this is hard for me to accept sometimes because I feel like I should be more fit, or more desirable. 

and from Pele, I hear:
“there is so much in you to awaken to.  these fires deep in you are stirring, and there will come a point where they blaze out…not in an uncontrolled frightening way, but in a purifying and inspiring one.”  this is just a little scary, because, I mean…fire and shit.

there are some other thoughts that trusted friends have given me intuitively and they’re here in my mind as well…but for now, this is what came from my gut.  so I suppose…it just is.

9 Ways To Channel The Transformative Potential Of Tonight’s Mysterious, Powerful Scorpio Full Moon

9 Ways To Channel The Transformative Potential Of Tonight's Mysterious, Powerful Scorpio Full Moon Hero Image

from mindbodygreen

Have you concealed a few layers of your persona? Overlooked some nuances or key details? The Scorpio full moon will illuminate those on Wednesday, May 10, 2017—charging the air with mystery and seduction all week long. Scorpio is the zodiac’s shaman and the ruler of extremes. It can draw out both our darkest shadows and our most enlightened selves. Ready for a major shift in your life? Turn it over to la luna for some deep processing and healing.

Under the spotlight of the Scorpio full moon, we can expect a lot of interesting intel and colorful confessions to come to light when it reaches its peak around 5:42 p.m. EST. The full moon in May is also known by Native American tribes as the full Flower Moon, a time for burgeoning May flowers and vivid shades of green and pink that follow April’s showers.

Under the light of the Scorpio full moon, a spring fever outbreak could become pandemic, and pairings more permanent. Have you been secretly lusting? Intense attraction will be all-consuming—but these very situations could take a dramatic turn. What starts out as a dynamic spark may turn into a heated lovers’ quarrel, with some Scorpio jealousy thrown in for good measure. Reacting to our quick-fire emotions would be a bad idea this week—especially the ones on the list of Seven Deadly Sins.

But this Scorpio lunar energy might even push promising partnerships past their tipping point, too. The urge to merge will be stronger for many, with playing-for-keeps Scorpio in the mix. Exciting partnerships could become “officially official” before the week is through.

Legend has it that there are three “phases” of Scorpionic energy. There’s the low-vibe, ground-dwelling Scorpion (the symbol for Scorpio), who stings every threatening passer-by; then the observant eagle, taking in its sweeping view from high overhead. The most transcendent Scorpio form is the phoenix, which rises from the ashes of destruction and shows us the remaining signs of life.

Here are a few ways to channel the mysterious and powerful Scorpio full moon to your advantage:

1. Illuminate what’s been hidden.

Open closet, exit skeletons. With the illuminating full moon beaming into Scorpio, ruler of secrets, la luna reveals all of the “secrets” we’ve been keeping—including hiding your own inner light. If you have a lesser-known talent, bring it out of hiding. If you’ve been too frightened to explore a part of yourself, go THERE. Regenerative Scorpio is a deeply creative water sign with a gift for making everything old seem fresh again. Tap your inner alchemist: Reinvent something old into a striking new idea. Don’t be afraid to stand out by boldly baring your most intimate truth…or by wearing it on your sleeve.

2. Dare to be vulnerable.

Intimacy is soul-fusing Scorpio’s domain. It rules the eighth house of fusion, that energetic space where we merge our energy and resources with another person’s. That sounds romantic, but it can actually be rather intimidating. Joint finances, cohabitation, allowing someone to see your vulnerability, learning to trustthese Scorpionic acts may not be easy or comfortable, but they’re what true intimacy requires. (Check out our favorite-ever books on love and intimacy here.) Scorpio is also known as the sex sign, and rightly so (anyone who’s been with a Scorpio will attest to this sign’s addictive powers…hello, soul-communing sex). The Scorpio full moon is known for delivering pregnancies, marriages, divorces, or just the best romp of your life. Rrowr!

3. Let your control freak flag fly.

Scorpio is the sign of power and control. These traits get a bad rap, but the truth is, to be a mortal IS to be a control freak of sorts. So rather than try to change this utterly human trait, decide what’s worthy of getting all worked up about instead. Find a pursuit to obsess over, something that makes the world a better place. The way your chin looks on a video chat? Nope. The person who doesn’t return your texts? Hell no. An event that will raise money for a children’s charity? That’s more like it. A shot at a leadership position that lets you decide how to use your community’s natural resources sustainably? Don’t be shy—let that (control) freak flag fly!

4. Don’t hate, reincarnate.

Scorpio is the ruler of psychic and mystical phenomenon, including reincarnation. If you haven’t read Scorpio Brian Weiss’ Many Lives, Many Masters, it will change how you think about death and the soul—in a good way—forever. Explore past-life regression theory, or read up on your North and South Nodes to learn more about your own past-life karma and future destiny, by the stars.

5. Harness your sexual prowess.

Shimmy those hips, rock that pelvis, and awaken your second chakra (the ruler of money AND sex, both Scorpio terrain). Try a burlesque class, pole dancing, or invent your own sexy striptease. Perform it for yourself in the mirror, ‘cuz YOUR turn-on is the most important one. Check out “sacred seduction” expert Kitty Cavalier’s workshops—she even offers an online class on how to woo…and be, well, woo-woo.

6. Tune in to your soul.

We live in a world of high performance, achievement, competition. But everyone could use a little support from the spiritual realm. Tuck away that superhero cape and ask spirit guides, guardian angels, God, and the universe, whatever you want to call it…for a sign. Close your eyes and be where you are. Whether you do a moving meditation, a guided meditation (check out the astrologically inspired ones by Terri Cole), or take a few moments of silence, this practice has been shown to boost brain health and literally change the brain—putting you in the serene state of flow that Scorpio loves.

7. Create financial abundance.

A huge segment of the population (including us) deals with debt. After all, we live in a culture of accumulation and instant gratification. It’s easy enough to get there. But debt can drain our energy and steal from our souls if not managed. Scorpio rules the zodiac’s eighth house of wealth and joint finances. It’s the money we borrow, inherit, and owe. Today, pay a debt, even if it’s just a small piece of one. Make a plan for how you’ll pay any outstanding debts off, even if it’s a little monthly amount. The energy and intention are what sets the momentum forward. Feeling bold? Cut up a credit card. Are you debt-free and financially solvent? Make a donation. Do it even if you’re not. Scorpio is a karmic sign—what goes around comes around! If you haven’t read the totally relevant 1937 classic Think and Grow Rich by Scorpio Napoleon Hill, it’s the grandfather of all books linking money and energy.

8. Find clarity where there’s been a fog.

The devil is in the details, and Scorpio’s laser vision never misses a thing. Where in your life have you left things a little fuzzy around the edges? It could be affecting you more than you realize. Take tangible actions: Make a call, send an email, apologize to someone, tell the truth, whatever. Just DO it. Precision is the Scorpio aim.

9. Rise from the ashes.

Scorpio rules power, control, and transformation—it’s the mythic phoenix that rises from the ashes of destruction. What in your life needs to symbolically “die” so that something new can be born? Let it go—or at least, release your grip—and allow the Scorpio full moon to transmute it. Having trouble releasing? You might download The God Box mobile app, which allows you to write wishes and release stresses, which you type into your smartphone and release with the touch of a “Let It Go” button. Don’t worry—they’re saved if you ever want to look back, as we have, and realize, “Oh! That one got resolved on its own.”