I am 34 years old.  and I am still actively learning about friendship.

I am totally going to paraphrase and oversimplify this with no specifics/details, but this was an exchange that happened today.

me: here’s a note/image about your enneagram type to help you be a better you

friend: hmm, that is helpful, thank you

(we discuss how to apply it)

me: here’s the same thing, but for my type.  it frustrates me because it’s hard.

friend: (proceeds to quickly draw/doodle a visual explanation for me of how it happens with me and how to do it better)  here you go, this should help

me: I am still kinda stuck

friend: (proceeds to spend a full hour drawing a mini-book to help me understand and process this) how about now?

me: HOLY SHIT THIS IS AMAZING and I can’t believe you illustrated all this for me.  and it should be shared.  and yes, it does help!
*has idea*
you are very good at explaining things this way.  perhaps I should buy you a sketchbook/journal for MY DOODLES only for stuff we talk about/experience so I can keep it forever.

friend: I am totally down with that!

me: that’s a lot of work. I should pay you.

friend: I mean, I’m a damn artist, I’d accept that.  you could also pay me in kind, with your gifts and skills and passions. help me where I have needs.  “WHICH I THINK IS WHAT FRIENDSHIP IS. I DUNNO.”

*light bulbs come on*

me: holy crap you’re right. we’re giving from our own selves/passions/gifts/skills, and receiving something we both need in the process of being better selves.  I THINK WE JUST CRACKED THE CODE OF FRIENDSHIP.

friend: tells me stuff she could use help with in life

me: dude, I totally got you.  I got skillz.  and I’ll use ’em.  I proceed to tell her stuff I need help with

friend: yes. this is good stuff. I can help.  except this one thing you mentioned that I am truthfully not very good at.

me: glad you’re honest.  wanna have spaghetti friday?

friend: yes.


we then proceeded to figure out my spirit animal and failed.
oh, well.  win some.

thinking about it, this entire exchange was weirdly profound because…

(a) how often do we just tell someone what we need, and ask for help, -and-
(b) how often do they willingly and in a non-bragging way, say “I know I have ______ strengths that could help and I totally will offer them.” -and-
(c) (because this is still important) can we tell people lovingly what we’re not good at?  not try to be everything for everyone?


turning this over in my mind/heart/gut today.  ♥️🙏🏻🤔
p.s. I might have to made edits to this post because she will read it and find all the inaccuracies, cause it’s what she does.  and THAT IS OK.


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